Compromise…

by chelseawattsny

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Wow! So much has transpired since my last post 8 months ago! One thing I love about living a dynamic life is that every day and every moment is brand new and potentially very different from the previous moment or day. One challenge I experience is communicating all of these amazing shifts with the people in my life. This is my practice. I love you and I am here.

In this post I won’t get into all that I’ve experienced in the past eight months, however I will say that in that time my attention was focused primarily on romantic partnerships and co-creationary relationships. What is their nature? Why are we drawn to them? Why am I drawn to being in this kind of partnership? How do we create them and how do we sustain them? I am grateful to have shared much of this exploration with a man I love and cherish deeply and I’m also excited to start sharing some of what I discovered here with you.

The first place I want to start may seem counter-intuitive in a reality where finding the “right partner” for you means finding the partner that fits best with how, and who, you currently are. News Flash: If you’re living life dynamically you don’t know who or how you will be in the next moment as life is a constant dance and act of co-creation with all that is. But let me not get ahead of myself and instead let’s look at compromise.

What does it look like when we compromise and what purpose does compromise serve?

In Heaven on Earth there is no compromise and there is no need to compromise. We are the sole creators of our experience, we are universes unto ourselves, and there is nothing we need from another creator, nor is there anything another creator needs from us. Together, we creators co-create whatever experiences we choose. When we do this consciously we co-create experiences from a place of excitement, curiosity, openness and love. Suffering, lack, dullness and similar experiences exist when we are unaware of our role as sovereign creators on some level. Look around you – everything you experience is your creation. Everything.

Let’s look at the word compromise again. In a Google search, compromise is defined as: 1) [to] settle a dispute by mutual concession; 2) accept standards that are lower than is desirable; and 3) weaken (a reputation or principle) by accepting standards that are lower than desirable.

Often times we think of compromise in terms of the third definition. We see compromise as something that weakens us or makes us less than we are. Or, we may be aware that we can never be more or less than we presently are (and certainly not at the hand of an outside force) but we may still see compromise in terms of the second definition – that we accept a co-creation created out of less than our optimal excitement. In either case, if we perceive that we have compromised ourselves we are likely to become vigilant about doing only that which pleases us most, accepting only those co-creations that are most in alignment with our current highest joy. We may remove ourselves from situations, relationships, responsibilities; we may choose to move towards a new group of creators who we perceive to be in alignment with our current highest flow; or we may even choose to isolate ourselves completely. We may do any, or all of these things, and yet they will not bring us to the end of experiencing the second and third definitions of compromise. This is as far as we can go with the tool called “compromise” in the world of duality.

Note: I LOVE following my highest joy and I am all for living on a planet of people who are also living from their highest joy, the question to ask yourself is “for which version of myself is this my highest joy?” I may write more about that in a future post, but for now I’ll move on.

Beyond duality there is another experience of compromise, which is present in the first definition; settle a dispute by mutual concession. If we choose to utilize it as such, compromise can be a very useful tool in directing and shaping our experience with another creator.

Compromise comes from the Latin prefix co (together) and the Latin word promittere (promise). Promittere can be further broken down as pro- (forward) mittere (send). In this light we can define compromise as – together send forward.

We are infinite beings with the freedom to focus our attention on any reality we choose at any moment. Faced with infinite experiences and infinite time to explore each experience, beings often find it beneficial to create boundaries and limitations to bring full awareness into a single experience and to create an overall cohesive experience from which to grow, learn, gain, insights, explore and in all ways relish and appreciate their experience fully. Common limitations include death (or rather the experience of having only one lifetime), lack, obstacles, identities, inherited conversations and ways of being, families, social groups, and on and on.

Just as one may choose to create boundaries or limitations to experience oneself fully, one may also choose modify their choices voluntarily, in favor of co-creating a partnership with another being. Why? Because the collective power of two creators co-creating together as one is exponentially greater than one creator creating alone. That’s it. In the loving compromise of partnership we create a reality with our partner that we can both agree upon and send it forth into other “future” moments. Where we create confusion, and get into trouble, happens at three major points.

The Search: First, we look for partners that are completely, or mostly, a match for our ideal version of ourselves. Don’t bother – the nature of relationships is that we attract our clearest mirror. If what you want to attract is a juicy, inspiring, romantic co-creationary lifetime partnership then start by turning your focus on being your favorite version of yourself. Focus on being the version of yourself that is in that relationship already, and with curiosity see who shows up, likes what you’re up to and wants to create that with you. This is also the first entry point for dualistic compromise. DO tell your absolute and complete truth about yourself and the reality you’re creating to all interested people at all times. It’s when you hold back communicating your truth that you attract people to the idea of who you are rather than who you actually are. Also, be aware that you create different futures for different versions of yourself which correspond with the partner you choose. Or said another way, different partners will create space for different versions of yourself to come forth, so when choosing a partner go with the partner with whom you experience being your favorite version of yourself.

Once You’re In It: The second place we get into trouble comes once we’re in what we think is our ideal partnership and we discover that –surprise– it doesn’t match up with our ideals. We then interpret this to mean that this must not be the relationship I am meant to be in, it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel “right” and now, through this experience I see how it was never right from the beginning. We then proclaim “Now I am ready to attract the relationship I was meant to be in” which is akin to declaring “Now I am a finished and completed creation ready to partner with another finished and completed creation.” The moment that is true for you will be the moment you move into singularity, so double check yourself, do you still have a body? Still sense possibilities that excite you? Then you are still a work in progress and every partner you attract will therefore likewise be a work in progress. Cut them, and yourself, some slack.

So what do you do when you’re in a relationship and you get the inkling that something is not right? Rejoice and get ready for growth and massive breakthroughs! – not just for you, but for both of you. Act as if your partner, whoever and however your partner may be, is your lifetime partner – which not coincidentally, is the key to creating the experience of a lifetime, co-creationary partnership. Keep creating it. No matter what. Don’t stop creating it for as long as it is true for you to desire a lifetime, co-creationary partnership.

Note: Use common sense here. Divorce is a choice I have created for myself and continually reaffirm because the level of workability in a previous relationship did not work for me and required more compromise than I was willing to agree to. Through completing that romantic partnership I actually freed myself up to experience my love for that person more deeply. We also share a beautiful, loving son and so in reality, we are still lifetime partners – we simply reconstructed our partnership in a way that worked for both of us. Too often though, and especially for those of us who are well practiced in following our highest excitement, we stop creating a relationship once it no longer feels like our highest excitement.

When you powerfully choose to create a lifetime partnership you will show up and say yes regardless of your feelings. You will show up and say yes because you are clear on your commitment to creating that experience for yourself and for the benefit of all beings everywhere. Your commitment to living your individual highest joy will reveal itself as a commitment to living your collective highest joy which you will acknowledge is unknowable without communicating with and co-creating that with your partner. You will no longer show up to conversations with your partner having made up your mind, you will instead show up with questions and an open mind. When the question arises: Should we stay together or should we complete our relationship? It will not occur to you to ask or answer that question on your own without your partner. The moment you try to answer such a question on your own is the moment you stop co-creating partnership with your partner.

Have I strayed too far from the topic of compromise? And how does that factor into creating a lifetime, co-creationary partnership? Now it comes to the third point of confusion; The Inception of the Dream Itself. Whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, know this – within your desire to create a lifetime, co-creationary partnership is a desire to deepen your experience of surrender. Ultimately the desire to experience the freedom of surrender is at the heart of why compromise exists in partnerships. We want to share our highest excitement with another, to surrender it to them fully, and for them to willingly co-create a reality with us birthed from that excitement. When you are in that state of surrender you will attract a mirror who is likewise in that state of surrender and what the two of you create together is be beyond description. Get to the edge of surrender and pull back however, and you may find yourself ricocheting down a hall of mirrors until you are ready to surrender fully.

Wow! I feel that I could write a book about this subject…and also that perhaps I’ve crammed too much into a long post/mini essay! Ok, two last thoughts I would like to leave you with…

Everyone on this planet alive during our lifetime is a partner in creating the reality of the Planet Earth at this point in time and space. In short, everyone alive is your lifetime partner in that sense.

Finally, the experience of having one lifetime or another is ultimately an illusion. There is life. Period. You are life, you have no beginning and no end…so maybe don’t worry so much about picking exactly “the right” partner in this lifetime and consider that the right partner is the partner you have right now.

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